


Gayworts on Crack

by ArtemisTheWriter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cause that is my baby, Crack, F/F, Fluff, Funny, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hope you enjoy, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Sirius Black Lives, This is for when I'm bored, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisTheWriter/pseuds/ArtemisTheWriter
Summary: What if almost everyone in Hogwarts was gay? What if they were somewhat friends? And what if this author was just bored out of her mind and decided to make little drabbles? You will find out once you start reading.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Theodore Nott, Ron Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Nursery Rhymes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco is just chilling when his friends start talking about...nursery rhymes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all for shit and giggles. I hope you enjoy!

Draco Malfoy, Ice Prince of Slytherin, confident gay, lover of many, was chilling outside on a warm September day. Not only was he chilling outside he was chilling in a tree. Not just any tree, the same tree he was sitting in during harry's fourth year. Remember that? That was a crazy year. Anyway. He was chilling in the tree eating a green apple while the rest of his friends were sitting below it chatting about...nursery rhymes"??

The fuck. 

"I honestly think that Baa, Baa, Black Sheep is the best nursery rhyme out there" drawled Blaise his black skin almost shimmering in the light. 

Pansy raised one eyebrow and replied dryly, "Are you saying that because you're black?"

Blaise gasped dramatically and clutched his chest. "Are you calling me races?!"

"Can black people be races?" asked Crabbe dumbly.

All eyes turned to look at him, even Draco who was too busy thinking about his cru-uh enemy Harry Potter, looked down at Crabbe like he has lost his brain. Well it's possible since it's like the size of a marble. Draco snorted a little at his own joke. 

Theo shook his head and pointed to the castle, "Leave Crabbe, Go stand facing the castle you're in time out."

The idiot stood up and walked (read: waddled) over to the castle and stood in front of it. Goyle frowned at his friend and followed him moving to stand beside him facing the castle as well. The other four Slytherins looked at the two overgrown monkeys before turning back to their conversation.

"Well in MINE opinion," started Theo, "I think Hickory Dickory Dock in the best nursery rhyme."

"Fuck that!" yelled Pansy. "The only H nursery that deserves any credit is Humpty Dumpty."

Draco rolled his stormy eyes. He decided to join in and said, "The best one is Itsy Bitsy Spider. He fell down the waterspout and then came back. He was a badass."

The other three Slytherins looked up at there leader and friend with a raised eyebrow. Draco looked down at them with the same expression. Why the hell are they looking at him like that?

"Uuuumm Drake? You do realize that the Itsy Bitsy Spider almost seems like someone we know," said Pansy still looking at her friend.

Draco gave them an unimpressed they screamed to them that he had no idea what they were talking about.

Theo sighed a little and said, "Who always goes into a battle, gets hurt, and then comes back again only to go right back into a battle?"

Blaise looked at Theo and said in a serious tone, "Iron Man?"

Pansy hit the Italian in the back of the head and cried out, "That movie hasn't come out yet! Stop breaking the fourth wall!!"

Blaise grabbed the pale girls wrist to stop her from hitting him and said, "Well maybe if the author would do her research..." Suddenly he shut up when his outfit changed into a bright sequins green dress. The man looked down at himself and then out into space before getting up and taking off running trying to get to the dungeons before anyone could see him so he could change. But of course, people turned to look cause he started screaming. The other Slytherins watched as their friends took off before looking at each other.

"Well, I still think the Itsy Bitsy Spider is badass," said Draco taking another bite of his apple. 

Both Pansy and Theo facepalmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are you guys favorite nursery rhymes?


	2. K-I-S-S-I-N-G

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry did not know what was going through his friends' heads throughout the day. And his friends come to realize that Harry is oblivious as fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Kudos and comments are welcomed!

_It all started with Ron_

Harry got out his dreamless sleep when the blasted sun decided it wanted to come out to play. Harry groaned and got out the bed and proceeded to go take his morning shower.

He was in the process of tying his tie when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Pausing, Harry turned around to face his best mate who was looking at him with a serious expression. Blinking a little Harry waited for his friend to say what was on his mind.

Ron pursed his lips before blurting out, “Harry and Draco sitting in a tree,” and then high tailed it out of the room.

Harry blinked again before shrugging and finished tying his tie.

_Then it was Hermione_

The-Boy-Who-Lived was in the middle of breakfast. Right when he was about to take a bite out of his french toast a sudden, well not sudden since he was used to it, slam of a book indicated that his bushy-haired friend has arrived. Letting out a mumble of, “Good morning Hermione,” he took a bit out of his french toast.

As he was chewing he was waiting for his friend’s cheery, ‘Good morning!’

It never came.

Glancing up he saw Hermione looking at him with a blank face. Swallowing a little the boy said, “Uh…’Mione?”

Said girl smiled at him before spelling out, “K-i-s-s-i-n-g” and then opened her book and started to put food on her plate.

Harry frowned before going back to eating.

_Next was Ginny_

The Savior was walking from his Charms class to the library. Usually, for his free period, he would go outside but before he left his bookworm friend told him to go straight to the library to...ugh...study. Merlin that girl was scary when she wanted to be.

As we walked into the library he made sure to keep his head down so he didn't make eye contact with Madam Pince. That lady was even scarier than Hermione. And then a picture of Hermione wearing that ridiculous hat and shushing kids popped up in Harry’s head making him snort to conceal his laughter.  
As he sat his bag down next to the chair he chose, he almost jumped ten feet in the air. Harry turned around to spot Ginny standing behind him with her hands clasped behind her back.

She took one hand from behind her back and waved him over likes she wanted to tell him a secret. Harry warily went over to her. Ginny then whispered in his ear, “First comes love.”

Harry staggered back. Love?! He did not love that git! Before he could voice his opinion, the redhead winked at him then walked away. Harry blinked rapidly before sitting down shakingly.

_Then it was Ginny’s girlfriend, Luna_

The Chosen One was walking down the hallway by himself to go to lunch. Usually, he would be with either Ron or Hermione but they both left him to his own devices. Not that he was complaining. Those two were like his guard dogs ever since the start of term.

Suddenly he caught a flash of blonde hair turning a corner walking towards him. Harry grinned and waved his hand in greeting as he called out Luna’s name.

Luna stopped her humming when she heard her name before picking it up when she saw him. Skipping over to him, the Ravenclaw stopped in front of him and gave him her signature smile. Before he could say anything she said dreamily, “Then comes marriage.” Then she skipped away humming to herself.

Harry shook his head as he continued his way to lunch.

_Next was his sweet friend Neville_

Harry walked into the Great Hall and took his seat next to Ron and across from Hermione. The raven-haired boy looked at his redhead friend who was busy inhaling his food to notice Harry sat down. Harry is surprised that the other boy could taste the food. Then the tan boy looked over at Hermione who was grimacing at Ron’s lack of table manners.

Harry chuckled as he piled food on his plate. Once he was finished he turned to greet Neville who just sat down on his left. He greeted the boy with a smile and a, “Hey Nev.”

Neville turned to him and greeted him with a, “Then comes baby in the baby carriage,” before turning to talk to Ginny.

The raven-haired boy was a little hurt by the clear dismissal but he was more confused than anything.

_Then it was the prankster friend, Seamus_

Harry yet again had a free period. Well, technically it wasn’t a free period since he had Care Of Magical Creatures. But Hagrid decided to give them the day off since half of the class was complaining. Harry has never been so glad that his half-giant friend was so kind.

At this time, Harry was laying on the glass in front of the Great Lake listening to Giant Squid splash around. Then the sun that shinning pleasantly behind his eyelids suddenly disappeared. Emerald eyes opened and turned to look at the shoes next to the eyes. The eyes traveled up to see who their right mind decided to disturb his dozing off. 

When Harry saw Seamus standing over him with a smirk he inwardly groaned. Looking back at the Irishman and raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

Seamus smirk widened before he sang, “Sucking his thumb,” and then he pivoted and strutted away. 

Harry watched him go glaring.

_Then it was the prankster boyfriend, Dean_

The emerald-eyed boy's unfocused eyes were watching his partner stir...something. To tell you the truth Harry has no idea what potion they were supposed to make. He knew he should because he bat-like teacher who was hell-bent on terrorizing kids would be breathing down his neck once he came over to his table.

But Harry didn’t care at this point. He watched as his partner, Draco bloody Malfoy, continued to stir whatever potion that was in the cauldron. His white-blond was falling like a white curtain around his face as he bent over to potion counting under his breath. Harry still unfocused traveled down his partner's body to that pert arse then back up to his face. He wonders what it would feel like to run his fingers through that hair and to feel that nice arse and-

Harry blinked and shook his head to get rid of that train of thought. He did NOT want to touch that slimy git. He looked up to see Dean turned in his seat staring at him. Dean sat in the spot in front of Harry and Malfoy with Seamus.

Harry blinked.

Dean blinked back.

Harry blinked one more time.

Dean did the same thing.

Harry frowned.

Dean looked around before leaning closer to where only Malfoy and Harry would hear him and sang quietly, “Wetting his pants,” and turned back to Seamus.

Harry watched as the two giggled before glancing at Malfoy who was looking at Dean with a raised eyebrow. Then turned to Harry silently asking for an explanation. Harry shrugged. He was just as confused as the blond. The tan boy saw Malfoy shake his head a mutter, “Gryffindors,” before moving to pour their finished potion in a glass vial.

Harry just grinned.

_Finally it was Cho who took the cake_

The young hero was standing outside the Great Hall waiting for his friends who had “urgent business.”

Harry snorted. Urgent his ass! He was hungry! But his best friends have yet to show up, making him wait for them growing hungrier by the second. The hero sighed and leaned his head back against the hall groaning. Where were those fucking prats?! Harry then opened his eyes when he heard the sound of gigging. A group of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor girls were heading his way to go to dinner. 

The boy watched as they entered after giving him a flirty wave which he replied with a small smile. Then he turned his head to see his first girlfriend standing right in front of him. The boy yelped a little in surprise and clenched his shirt above where his heart is. “Jesus, Cho! Don’t do that!” panted Harry.

Cho smiled at him and said brightly, “Doing the hula, hula dance!” Then she went inside.

Okay, seriously what the fuck is up with these Gryffindors and Ravenclaws?

Before he could dwell on it his friends showed up quietly arguing. When they spotted him they both ran over to him, seized his arms and dragged him into The Great Hall, and sat him down in his normal. Harry blinked a little before looking around to see Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Seamus, Dean, and Cho all looking at him. 

What in the world are Luna and Cho doing at the Gryffindor table??

Before he could ask that question Hermione cleared her throat and asked, “So, Harry, did anything exciting happen today?”

The boy hero looked around at all the faces looking at him before shrugging. “Not really but some strange did occur.”

They all leaned forward like he just told the juiciest gossip in the world. “Yeah? What happened?” asked Ginny innocently.

“All of you guys keep singing snippets of that little childish song,” here he pointed an accusing finger at all of them. What he was hoping for were guilty expressions on each of their faces but yet again they confused him because they all started smiling. 

“Did we now?” started Seamus.

“That is odd,” continued Dean.

“But do you get it?” question Neville?

Harry frowned and said, “Get what?”

Luna smiled dreamily and said, “Why we did it of course Harry.”

Harry frown deepened as he tried to think of why his friends would do it. Humming a little in thought he brightened up and said, “Cause you guys enjoy that song and I just happened to hear you guys sing it.”

The hopeful faces of the others dropped as they simultaneously banged their head on the table groaning. “He really is oblivious” mumbled Ron into the table. The other seven groaned in agreement.

Harry looked around at his friends before shrugging, piling food onto his plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone been a part of the song? Or even participated in it? I know I have! You can leave your stories down in the comments. I would love to hear them!


End file.
